What do you do when....

This Post is a message that I preached at MRWC on May 26th, 2013 entitled "what do you do when you blow it?" It focuses on Grace. I hope it draws you to Jesus.

 

          

            As I’ve spent time praying and planning for today’s gathering, one thought jumped into my mind, and I haven’t been able to get away from it.

It is actually part of the take away from today’s message, and it applies to every one of us. It’s a simple, but extremely loaded question: “What do you do when you blow it?” 

Think about these scenarios with me for just a second:

ILLUSTRATION- When break your leg or your arm, who do you go see?

        Generally you make an appointment with your family physician who will take the necessary steps to repair your broken ligament.

When you are involved in a car accident, what do you do?

One of the first phone calls you make is to Edwin Wallace to see if your insurance is up to date and to see if you have enough coverage.

            When your favorite hockey team has a 4-1 lead with 10 minutes left in the 7^th and deciding game of their first round series, and they end up blowing the game in overtime, what do you do? YOU FIND A NEW HOCKEY TEAM!

            Or better yet, when you do something God has asked you not to do, what do you do? What do you do when you blow it?

            Most of us might be inclined to respond to that question in one of three ways: We seek to justify what was done.

            We might log on to Facebook and tell the world what we did, and they will love and comfort us and remind us that what we did really wasn’t that bad, and that people have done far worse; so just forget about it and move on.

            Or we might try to sweep it under the rug and pretend that nothing ever happened. So we live as if nothing ever happened, but deep down inside, we are ashamed of what was done and hope that we never get found out.

            Or we might turn and run from God. We tell ourselves that God has lost all patience with us, so we turn our backs on God and run away.

            Unfortunately these are the most common responses we have when we sin against God, when we do something we shouldn’t do, when we’ve blown it. 

            But none of these are the correct response. We shouldn’t jump on Facebook, we shouldn’t pretend that our sin doesn’t exist, and we certainly shouldn’t run from God.

What should we do then?

            John, who was a close friend of Jesus, tells us what to do when we blow it:

       “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9 NIV)

            I think you should underline that verse. Better yet, I think you should memorize that verse.

What do you do when you blow it? What do you do when you’ve answered sin’s 3 AM wake-up call? You don’t turn and run, instead you Lean into God’s Grace.

A Bible dictionary tells us that grace is: “Favor or kindness shown without regard to the worth or merit of the one who receives it and in spite of what that person deserves.” (NIBD, 522) WOW!

Why don't you let that sink in for a moment. (REPEAT)

Grace is not getting what I deserve and at the same time it is receiving what I have no business receiving. In other words, Grace is God’s undeserved gift to us.

This is what John tells us. If we confess that we’ve blown it, and come running to God with a repentant heart, He will forgive and cleanse us from our wickedness. That’s grace at its finest!

If, however, we choose not to confess our sin, if we choose not to acknowledge that we’ve blown it, we will miss the grace that God longs for us to experience.

So consider a question this morning: Are you leaning into God’s grace, or are you running from God’s grace?

Author and Pastor Gordon McDonald once said: “The world can do almost anything as well as or better than the church. You need not to be a Christian to build houses, feed the hungry or heal the sick.

There is only one thing that the world cannot do. It cannot offer grace.” (Yancey, 1997, 15)

If you’re looking to find grace apart from God; if you’re looking to find freedom apart from God you’ll never find it, for grace is only found in Jesus.

In another time and in another place, John said: “…the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.” (John 1:17, NIV)

ILLUSTRATION- The story is told of a boy who ran away from his home.

The time finally came when he wanted to go back home, so he wrote a note to his father telling him that he would be taking the train on a certain day, and if his father wanted him to come back, he was to tie a piece of white cloth to one of the trees near the train station.

If the boy saw the cloth, he would get off the train. If there wasn’t any cloth on the tree, he would stay on the train and pass through the town.

The day came and the son boarded the train in another town and began the long journey toward home.

As the train drew near to his hometown, the boy’s heart began to race, and his hands broke out in a cold sweat.

He was very nervous and didn’t know if he dared to look. He was afraid there wouldn’t be any white piece of cloth tied to the tree.

            As the train slowed for the stop, the son turned his eyes toward the window and

they filled with tears at what he saw.

            There wasn’t one piece of cloth tied to a tree…. There were pieces of white cloth tied to every branch of every tree all around the station. (From my flies)

            Friends, God had His Son nailed to a tree to let you know how much He loves you and that He wants you to come to Him.

            Even though you may have blown it once; even though you may blow it every minute of every day, God wants you to know that His grace is what you need.

            The Apostle Paul struggled with something in his life, something he referred to as “a thorn in my flesh…” (2 Corinthians 12:7a, NIV)

            Three times he pleaded with the Lord to remove this thorn from him, but it wasn’t removed. What Paul received instead was what Paul needed the most.

The Lord told him: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9b, NIV)

            Paul’s thorn wasn’t removed, but Paul got what he really needed: God’s grace.

            God’s grace is what you and I need as well:

Ø We need God’s grace if we blow it.

Ø We need God’s grace when we blow it.

Ø We need God’s grace because we’ve blown it.

Thankfully we can receive God’s grace. John continues on in chapter 2 of 1^st John by saying:

“My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous.

² He himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins—and not only our sins but the sins of all the world.” (1 John 2:1-2, NLT2)

ILLUSTRATION- Sir John Clarke dedicated many years to Bible translation in the Belgian Congo.

He had difficulty translating the word advocate. For two years he searched for a suitable translation.

His search ended the day he visited the king of the Mulongo people.

During his time with the king, an aid appeared, received his instructions, and left.

The king told Clarke that the aid was his Nsenga Mukwashi, which was not a name but a title.

The king explained that the servant represented the people to the king. Clarke immediately asked for permission to watch the man at work.

He went to the edge of a village where he found him talking with three women. The husband of one of the women had died, and she was being evicted from the hut. She needed help.

“I will take you to the king.” The Nsenga Mukwashi told her.

“Do not do that,” she objected. “I am old and timid and would become speechless in his presence.”

“There will be no need for you to speak,” he assured her. “I shall speak for you.”

And he did. Succinctly and clearly and passionately.

Clarke noted the flash of anger in the king’s eyes. The sovereign ordered his court to care for the widow and seize the culprits. The widow found justice, and Clarke found his word—Nsenga Mukwashi.” (Lucado, 2003.162-163)

            Friends, John reminds us that we too, have an advocate with the Father. “When you are weak, He is strong. When you are timid, He speaks” (ibid)

            When you and I blow it, He is pleading our case before the Father. Jesus is our Advocate.

            And what He offers today is Grace.

Ø His grace has the power to cleanse you should you still remain in sin.

Ø His grace has the power to restore you should you fall into sin.

Ø His grace has the power to keep you from sin.

God’s grace is sufficient for us.

ILLUSTRATION- More than once, I have been on the receiving end of the grace of God.

I remember after a particular painful season of the Lord’s discipline, I was working at a motel not far from my boy-hood home, and I was reflecting on my own sin after I had blown it.

            As I sat with an open Bible in my hand, I found myself reading the words of Jeremiah 15:19, which says: “Therefore this is what the LORD says: "If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman…” (NIV)

            I need to tell you church that I found the grace of God that day.

Even though I had committed the Hiroshima and Nagasaki of screw up’s God was telling me: “If (I) we confess (my) our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive (me) us (my) our sins and purify (me) us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NIV)

            I want to let you know that no matter how far you think you’ve turned from God; no matter how much you think you’ve blown it; even if you find yourself wandering in the wilderness, God’s grace can bring you back.

            If you will follow John’s advice and confess your sin, God is faithful and just and He will forgive and cleanse you from your sin.

            If you have blown it this week and have yet to talk to God about your need for forgiveness, if you follow John’s advice and lean into God’s grace you will find that His grace is all that you need.

            In just a few moments, we are going to partake of the Lord’s Supper. This is the ultimate example of God’s grace.

            Even though we blew it, God still sent His Son to die in our place and pay the price that sin demanded.

            Before we do, we need to take some time and allow God to search our hearts, and if we’ve blown it, we need to lean into God’s grace: we need to confess our sin; we need to repent of that sin and allow His grace to be applied to our lives.

            So as the band come back, if you are in need of the grace of God, I'm going  to ask you to raise your hand, stand where you are, or come to the front of the church and I want to pray for you.

        I’m going to pray that you will lean into God’s sufficient grace.

            What do you do when you’ve blown it? We need to lean into God’s grace.

 

Parenthood, Mother's day

The following post is from Mother's Day here on the Ridge. Margot Bandy was our guest speaker and this is her message. Enjoy!

Mother’s Day Sermon 2013   Maple Ridge Wesleyan

Our family has changed quite a bit since Pastor Jay Guptill made that video 8 yrs ago. A rundown: Leanne RCMP in AB, Kurt missionary with GP in Turkey, The 4 middle boys are in university, the 3 girls in gr 9,8, & 6. We also added another boy who’s 7 now so that puts the [final] tally at 6 boys and 4 girls. Hopefully none of the women believed I was crazy enough to let someone into the house on an actual Sunday morning to video us…we did a re-enactment of sorts on a Sat aft after I’d tidied, done my hair and make-up, & thrown on a housecoat. We did pull up to the church on a Sun morn to give it some semblance of honesty….but it’s fun to look back on now.

By now, having a lot of kids is normal for us….we feel we’re like every other family except louder and I guess with the age spread (the oldest was gr 12 when the youngest was born) I feel a bit like a recycled mom. However, I’m married to a recycled dad as Ken actually retired before Shawn was in Kindergarten. He’s kind of worried Shawn’ll grow up thinking he hasn’t worked a day in his life .I used to think our issues were related to having a large family- like forgetting kids places,. “Home alone” isn’t just the name of a movie at our house. To be a Bandy IS to experience being “home alone” at many diff places—arenas, school, friends’ houses, church, work… Before Ken retired I obviously drove the kids more often so I forgot them more often than him. I even forgot other peoples’ kids places who weren’t front and centre when it was time to go. But Ken wins the prize for forgetting the most kids at once. One of them was sick on a Sun morn so he stayed home and I took the kids to first service. I scooted home between services and he went to second service. When he came home, I had lunch on the table and asked him to call the kids in (I figured they’d just stayed outside bec it was a nice day.) He asked where they were and I said, “What do you mean? Didn’t you bring them home from church? We have 9 kids! Didn’t the van seem a little quiet on the way home?” But of course his man brain had thought since he went to church in an empty van, it was ok to come home in one. I used to feel worse about forgetting kids places but I’ve shared these stories a couple of times now, and always hear back amazing stories of forgotten children from ppl who have waaay fewer kids than we do so I don’t feel so bad about it anymore.

Pastor Nick old me you’re in a series on parenting and suggested I share things that have been helpful to Ken and me. I like what Bill Cosby said about parenting- that he and his wife had 5 theories on how to raise children…then had 5 children and no theories. Luckily we’re Christians and don’t have to make up theories…we have a comprehensive guide for child-rearing as you already know. Pastor Nick and Ken and I have prayed that the Holy Spirit will give you one thing to take home today that will make a big difference to you. So let’s pause and pray so you can ask Him too. PRAY BRIEFLY.

1. Get a Glimpse of the Big Picture

I confess in the day to day nitty gritty of parenting, I can settle for just wanting good kids… mainly for 3 reasons: 1) they make me look like a good parent and I like that. 2) I feel like a good parent and I like that. 3) They’re easier to deal with and I like that.

There are 2 main problems with that: 1) It falls far short of what God wants. The whole purpose of man, some have said, is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. So somehow I should be trying to glorify God and raising my kids to do that, too. Somehow that seems complicated and what does it mean to gloify God anyway? 2) While “good” kids to me, usually means easy to handle (behaviour) God places more emphasis on the heart. One diagram really helped Ken and me take these huge concepts and simplify them into something we found very manageable.

You know that God chooses to reveal Himself through His Word (the Bible.) Pastor Nick emphasized last week, that we are to impress these commands/teachings on our children’s hearts (after adopting them into OUR hearts [Deut 6:6] Very little of this will work without parental example).  We also know that the heart is what drives behaviour. Luke 6:45 says: The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart. The evil man brings evil out of the evil stored up in his hear For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.  People can’t see hearts, but they can see behaviour as it says in Prov. 20:11: Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right. So people are actually seeing what God is like through godly children. The prhase DKDW uses to describe this is “defining God to the world so that the world can find God.” They are seeing “Jesus with skin on” in our kids.

If we think back to the chief end/purpose of man—to glorify God and enjoy Him forever and if we realize that glorifying God  means making Him recognizable, we see it’s not such a complicated thing after all if their hearts are trained by God’s word, and their actions are reflecting that.

This flow chart is also reminding me to focus on my child’s heart. It’ easy to get sidetracked by behaviour because it’s beh that alerts me to the fact your child needs correction. Beh is irritating so I can focus on it. But if I just fix the beh and not address the underlying heart issue, it looks like the problem is solved but it’s actually worse than before because now I have a hypocrite on my hands! Jesus soundly condemned the Pharisees for looking good on the outside but rotten on the inside when he called them “white-washed tombs.”

Qu: Do I have a big picture in mind? Am I aiming at something? Do I need to ask the Lord for a vision statement that makes sense to me?

Qu: Have I been sidetracked by behaviour and forgotten to address the heart behind the behaviour?

 

2: Be Aware of Parenting Stages

Again this is from GKGW. I remember one night when Ken was on a business trip reading in a book “It will take 5 years in the mind of the child your right to rule the child. “   Five years?? I thought not at the time….that I could convince the child of my authority a lot sooner than that… but I couldn’t. It took 5 yrs. That’s where a knowledge of the stages of parenting was useful. [Gary Ezzo]

Discipline Phase   Ages 1-5  Your right to rule… not oppressive, not a power trip; tight boundaries that will give way to freedoms as the child demonstrates responsible behaviour.

Training Phase    Ages 6-12    Sports Analogy…trainer works on an athlete in different settings going through various drills and exercises. He can stop the player and make an immediate correction. They’re not in a real game; it’s practice

Coaching Phase      Ages 13-18   Children are in the game of life at this point. We can send in plays from the sidelines, huddle during time outs, but we can’t stop the game for extended periods of time. They’re calling the plays themselves and moving forward.

Friendship      Ages 18 and up. This is the relational goal of parenting.  A child once said, “Parents are just babysitters for God.” The family unit is how God chose to transform helpless babies into adults ready to be used for His glory. (What’s His glory? It’s how He is recognizable….back to the diagram… people see what God is like when they see someone living according to His principles) So at 18 or so, God says, “Thank you very much; now I have a job for this one to do and as the Commanding Officer he assigns them a position in the army of God. Whether it’s an RCMP officer, missionary, physiotherapist, maple sugar bush worker, or busy stay-at-home mom, the child becomes our friend and brother or sister in Christ. God desires that they honour us, as their parents, but HE is now their authority.  I personally think as a culture, we’ve rushed to this phase and have tried to be a friend to our child when we should be focusing on training, coaching, or even establishing our authority.

Qu. 2: What phase (s) am I in? Am I rushing it?

 

3.Consider your Parenting Style.

Researchers at the University of Minnesota identified 4 broad parenting categories that everyone more or less falls into. They fit along an axis that runs from low relationship to high relationship and low control to high control.

                                                           

 

             

Best?  Authoritative….actively involved in kids’ lives, willing to communicate boundaries & rules but also love and affection. Interestingly, P Nick has addressed in this series how to have a strong rel’p (approp touch, abundant time, & encouraging words) AND the importance of requiring your children to obey you. In fact, his key phrase “Discipline is correction driven by love” describes this style perfectly.

Worst?  Authoritarian….lots of laws but little love “Rules without relationship lead to rebellion” Want to make a teenager really angry? Give him a bunch of rules (When/where/who he can can’t hang out with) without making an emotional connection; without the relationship that allows him to see the heart behind the lawgiver.

Question 3: What style do I bring to the table? Do I need to modify it? Repent of it?

 

4. Aim for First Time Obedience.

Let’s go back for a moment to our role as the authority in our children’s lives. It’s not to hold them under our power like the auth. parent wants to do….have control for the sake of control… but ultimately to empower them to be self-controlled and live under God’s authority.  If we can’t obey someone we can see, how will we obey someone we CAN’T see? So they go from parent controlled, to self-controlled to God controlled.

FTO means responding immediately, completely and without challenge. When we first introduced this at home, we had one child who had been so characterized by challenging everything we said, that we put 3 words on a paper on the fridge: NO, BUT, and WHY. He wasn’t allowed to answer any of our directions with one of these words. It wiped out his vocabulary for a week! What are your other options?  You can be a threatening, repeating parent. (We’ve been those.) “I’m not going to tell you again. Do you hear me? I said…” Or, you could be a bribing parent… and the Bible frowns on that idea with verses like “A bribe perverts the heart of the righteous.”

 Your kids know when you finally mean it. If you can teach them to obey on the count of 3 or at a certain pitch in your voice, or when you stand up, or reach for the wooden spoon drawer, or whatever signal you’ve taught your kids that you’re finally expecting them to obey you, then you can train them and more importantly you can train YOU to have them obey you the first time. The main problem with this issue is the parents. First of all most of us don’t even believe FTO is possible. (and it is with certain hints and helps). Secondly, we’re not even aware we’re the problem. Half the time I use to give an order I didn't expect to be obeyed. (“We’re leaving now, get your coat” really meant we’ll be leaving in 15 min or so and I’ll ask you 3 or 4 more times) I had to earn NOT to give an order I didn’t expect to be obeyed and that was tough to do!

Since God requires me as a parent to teach my children to obey (Eph 6:1) if I don’t do that, I’m the one in sin! I had to learn to be very consistent and not let my moods decide when I really meant it. The kids are confused if they get 5 chances one day when there’s company watching or I’m in a good mood, and the next day I expect them to do it the first time I ask.

There’s ways of facilitating FTO. One is giving a 5 minute warning (works great for husbands too). Another is having you  kids say Ok, Mom. Somehow that verbal response…hearing themselves say it really helps. Coach them, say, “Say ‘Ok Mom’”

Question 4: Are you teaching your young children to obey you? Do you need to make some changes?

 

7. Be careful about the decisions you let your children make.

We started out giving our children too many choices at a young age thinking that the way to make wise choices was to get lots of practice. We now believe the way to make wise choices is to first see them modelled, learn trust and submission to parents, and then be gradually given more freedoms as responsible behaviour is demonstrated. Proverbs 26:12 says, “Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than that man.” Too many choices too early gives a child a false self-sufficiency and a prideful self-reliance. Ken and I do a skit in our parenting classes where I become a little girl who gets to choose between the blue A& and red cup, Orange juice and apple juice, reading books or playing with Barbies - then when Dad wants her to clean up her toys she decides she’ll do it later and pitches a fit when he insist she do it now. She’s make so many choices in the non-moral arena (such as the blue and red cup…there’s nothing right or wrong about which one), she’ can’t make the switch when she’s in a moral situation where there IS a right or wrong response obedience/disobedience.

One of the ways you diagnose this problem is by determining whether your child announces their intentions (I’m going over to Griffin’s house or asks permission (May I go over to Griffin’s house?)

Question 7: Is your child wise in his own eyes? Is he  addicted to choice? Are you getting ahead of yourself on the timeline from boundaries to freedoms?

 

8. Remember the lesson of the potter and the clay.

I have a friend who’s a potter. As she was talking about working with clay she said that she can only mold the clay into certain shapes if it’s “willing.” Some clay (if it’s been worked before, lost some water content, etc.) is no longer pliable enough to be thrown (put on the potter’s wheel). It can only be squeezed through 2 rollers – made flat like a pancake- and made into a plate or platter but it can’t be worked upward into a bowl or mug, or vase.

Children are like that, too. There’s something in them that responds or doesn’t respond easily. It’s not just about what we as parents and our end of the equation. At a Father’s Day service, many years ago, HC Wilson said, “When kids turn out right, parents take too much credit. When kids turn out wrong, parents take too much blame.” Kids don’t come with guarantees or formulas. God wants us to do our very very best and trust Him with the results.

 

 

 

Question 8: Are you taking too much credit for how your kids are turning out? Too much blame?

 

  

Parenthood

This post is part 3 in our current series: "Parenthood". Enjoy!

 

     We are in week three of our current sermon series called: Parenthood.

            So far in this series we have discussed: “The Parents Priority” which is to: Love God and lead our families intentionally; and last Sunday we looked at three Unchanging Principles of Relationships.

            And they are: Abundant time, appropriate touch and encouraging Talk.

            If you apply these God given principles to your important relationships, they will thrive, but neglect one, two or all three of these principles and your relationships will suffer.

            So, those of you who were here last week and picked up a response card, how did you do? Were you intentional with your time, with your touch and with your talk?

ILLUSTRATION- It’s always good to practice what one preaches, and this past week, I payed close attention to the relationship principles.

            I made a conscious effort to spend time with my family, to be careful with my words, and used appropriate touch; especially with my wife. May we continue to practice these relationship principles!

            This week we are going to look at an interesting topic, one that is often neglected, but one that is necessary in the parenting relationship, but before we dive into that, I want to remind us of our Key thought for this series:

            “God’s word provides clear guidance on how to raise children to be full of faith and focused on Him.”

            As followers of Jesus, we have a responsibility to look into the Word of God for direction and instruction, and this is especially true of the parenting relationship, and God’s word provides clear guidance on how to raise children to be full of faith and focused on Him.”

ILLUSTRATION- Beth and I have been teaching our youngest daughter, Erica, to ride her bike this week. What an ordeal!

            She spent more time believing, and exhorted more energy proving to us that she couldn’t ride her bike.

            As I was trying to reassure Erica that she could do it, and tell her to listen to what I was asking her to do, do you know what Bible verse entered my mind? The key verse of this series!

Proverbs 22:6 says: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (NIV) (That’s what Scripture does: it comes when we need it the most!)

The responsibility of every parent who professes to follow Jesus is to lead our children toward the things of God; not force them to take it, but lead them to it.

With that said, let’s move on to today’s teaching; and it’s all about discipline.

As we get underway, we need to understand what discipline is, what it’s not and 3 things we should expect as it relates to discipline.

We can define it this way: “Discipline is correction driven by love.” Maybe we should write it down… Discipline is Correction driven by love.

The author of the Book of Hebrews reminds us of this thought. In Hebrews 12:5-6: “…My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you.

6 For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” (Heb. 12:5b-6, NLT2)

We are reminded here that God disciplines us because He loves us. And that’s what Discipline is: correction driven by love.

Look at verse 8 of the same chapter: “If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all.” (Heb. 12:8, NLT2)

Also look at verse 10: “For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness.” (Heb. 12:10, NLT2)

The author of Hebrews reminds us that discipline is correction driven by love, and God corrects us when we do wrong, and as parents who follow Jesus, we must correct our children when they do wrong.

Now, some of you here today may not profess to follow Jesus; I want you to know that you are free to discipline your children anyway that you want to.

But those of us who follow Jesus, we must look at God’s Word, and it tells us that discipline is correction driven by love.

The writer of Proverbs knew this to be true as well. Look at what he wrote in chapter 19:18: “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.” (NIV)

While discipline might not be politically correct, it is biblically correct, and followers of Jesus have a responsibility to do so in love, so if discipline is correction driven by love; how is it done?

To Answer that question, we need to understand what discipline is not. First of all, Discipline is not being a life-guard parent.

A Life Guard parent is someone who will rescue their child from consequences. If a child is caught stealing, a Life-Guard parent will swoop down and rescue that child and take them away from the consequences.  

ILLUSTRATION-- As I reflect back on my childhood, I remember that my parents let me hang-out to dry so many times.

       When I did something wrong, my father always let me suffer the consequences of my wrong choices. Because I did the crime, I had to do the time.

            Paul said in Galatians 6:7: “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (NIV)

            Parents, we need to teach our children that there are consequences for the choices they make, both good and bad, and when a bad choice is made, we can't swoop in and resuce them, that's not teaching them anything.

            The 2^nd way not to discipline is to be the Etch-a-Sketch Parent. 

ILLUSTRATION- I assume that most of us are familiar with the Etch-a-sketch. It’s a pretty cool toy that will enable us to make all kinds of lines, and shapes and sizes. When you shake it up, your drawing disappears!

            One moment you have a work of art, and the next minute you have nothing but a blank canvas.

            The same is true in some of our households. One moment there are boundaries lines and the next moment those boundaries lines have been redrawn. 

            Though our children would never say as much, they want to know what’s right and what’s wrong and they don’t want the boundary markers to constantly move.  Our children need consistency!

            Remember our key verse? “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Pr. 22:6, NIV)

        Parents need to have clearly defined boundaries in place as they lead their families.

            The third way not to discipline is split-decision parenting.

            Amos asks a rhetorical question in Amos chapter 3 verse 3: “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3, NIV)

             The answer is no, you wouldn’t walk with someone if you didn’t agree with them, but sometimes this is what happens in the parenting relationship; mom will say one thing and dad will say something completely different.

ILLUSTRATION- A few weeks ago, Emma was in one of her moods. This doesn’t happen all of the time, but when it does, watch out.

            She wouldn’t do what I told her to do, so I sent her to her room, and she began crying.

        After a few minutes I went into her room to explain to her why she needed to do what I had asked her to do, only to have her cry even harder.

            After several minutes of intense crying, Beth went into talk to Emma. While I didn’t hear their entire conversation, I did hear what Beth said to Emma: “You have to do what your father told you to do”.

Do you know what that said to Emma? Mom and Dad are on the same page on this issue.

            Now, I understand that divorce can complicate things in a big way, but please for the sake of your children, don’t get into split-decision parenting, it will not be correction done in love, it will be confusion.

            If we are going to discipline our children, it must be done hand in hand, so very quickly I want to suggest to you 3 things we should expect from our children and ourselves as it relates to discipline.

            #1: We should expect obedience. 1 Samuel 15:22 reminds us that “Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission (to God) is better than offering the fat of rams.” (NLT2)

Speaking to families, the Apostle Paul said: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20, NIV)

            It would appear that obedience is what God is looking for from His children, and obedience is what parents are looking for from their children.

ILLUSTRATION- Beth and I are trying to teach our children obedience.

            When we ask the kids to do something, Emma will generally jump up and do it, but Erica will linger a little bit and try to get out of whatever we have asked her to do.

            Beth and I have decided that Erica needs to obey just as much as Emma does, and we don’t let her off the hook just because she doesn’t want to do what we’ve asked her to do.

            I want my children to obey me, just as much as God wants me to obey Him when He asks me to do something, so parents teach your children why it’s important that they obey you, and train your children to obey with an obedient and willing heart.

            (Don’t say: you have to obey me; explain why obedience is important)

            Another practical expectation is Never discipline in anger.  The apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:26a: “In your anger do not sin" (NIV)

            This single instruction applies to every part of our Christian life, especially when our children make us mad.

ILLUSTRATION- What we do at our house when one of our kids is not behaving correctly is send them to their bedroom.

            I’ve got to the point with the kids that all I have to do is point in the general direction of their bedrooms and off they go.

            This allows me time to cool down, and it also allows me time to converse with Beth as to what our next step should be.

Sometimes it’s a spanking, other times we revoke a privilege; we make a point to correct our children, and we're trying not to do so when we are angry.

If you are disciplining your child in anger, you might get carried away, and you’ll be in a bigger mess than you would have been if you would have cooled off

            This leads us to the last principle: Discipline promptly with instruction and reconciliation.

            Coming back to the Apostle Paul, he said: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Eph. 6:4, NIV)

            As parents, we have the responsibility to discuss with our children what they did wrong and how they can make things right.

ILLUSTRATION- my wife is an expert at this. Throughout the day, she will text me and let me know that one of our girls acted up at school, and about the need to discuss it when we all get home, and she will, ever so gently, inquire of our children what was done, why it was done, and why it can’t happen again.  

            We don’t let wrongs go un-discussed at our house. We can’t afford to let wrongs go un-discussed at our house, so we take the time to talk about it and then we move on.

            We need to remember that discipline is correction driven by love and just as God corrects us because He loves us, Christian parents have a responsibility to discipline our children, because we love them.  

            Now, I realize that this message was geared toward those of us with children still at home.

            This issue is super important and it deserves to be discussed, so here’s what I’m praying will happen as we seek to apply some of what we’ve heard.

            First of all, for the not-yet parents, the never will be parents and the empty nesters:

            You can pray for those of us who have kids. Pray that we would not be Life-Guard Parents; pray that we wouldn’t discipline our children in anger. You can pray as we seek to train our children in the things of God.

            You can encourage us! Being a parent is hard work, especially when we are trying to hold our ground on any issue, so if you see us needing an encouraging word, feel free to give it!

            You can (also) examine your heart.  While you may not have children living with you, God may still have to discipline you from time to time, so allow God to search your heart to see if there is an area of your life that needs to come into submission.

            For those of us who have children at home, the application for you is to consider what parenting approach you need to take—or not take-- with your children.

            Maybe you get angry all of the time and you need God to help you this week to calm down before you speak to your children.

            Maybe you need to move away from being an Etch-a-Sketch parent and establish clearly defined Guardrails and abide by them because you know that: “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.” (Proverbs 27:12, NIV)

            Keeping in mind that Discipline is correction driven by love, how will you apply today’s message? Will you allow God to correct you for an area of disobedience in your life?

            Will you commit to seeking the Lord’s help and direction this week as you seek to lead your family, especially as it relates to discipline?