Parenthood

This post is part 3 in our current series: "Parenthood". Enjoy!

 

     We are in week three of our current sermon series called: Parenthood.

            So far in this series we have discussed: “The Parents Priority” which is to: Love God and lead our families intentionally; and last Sunday we looked at three Unchanging Principles of Relationships.

            And they are: Abundant time, appropriate touch and encouraging Talk.

            If you apply these God given principles to your important relationships, they will thrive, but neglect one, two or all three of these principles and your relationships will suffer.

            So, those of you who were here last week and picked up a response card, how did you do? Were you intentional with your time, with your touch and with your talk?

ILLUSTRATION- It’s always good to practice what one preaches, and this past week, I payed close attention to the relationship principles.

            I made a conscious effort to spend time with my family, to be careful with my words, and used appropriate touch; especially with my wife. May we continue to practice these relationship principles!

            This week we are going to look at an interesting topic, one that is often neglected, but one that is necessary in the parenting relationship, but before we dive into that, I want to remind us of our Key thought for this series:

            “God’s word provides clear guidance on how to raise children to be full of faith and focused on Him.”

            As followers of Jesus, we have a responsibility to look into the Word of God for direction and instruction, and this is especially true of the parenting relationship, and God’s word provides clear guidance on how to raise children to be full of faith and focused on Him.”

ILLUSTRATION- Beth and I have been teaching our youngest daughter, Erica, to ride her bike this week. What an ordeal!

            She spent more time believing, and exhorted more energy proving to us that she couldn’t ride her bike.

            As I was trying to reassure Erica that she could do it, and tell her to listen to what I was asking her to do, do you know what Bible verse entered my mind? The key verse of this series!

Proverbs 22:6 says: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (NIV) (That’s what Scripture does: it comes when we need it the most!)

The responsibility of every parent who professes to follow Jesus is to lead our children toward the things of God; not force them to take it, but lead them to it.

With that said, let’s move on to today’s teaching; and it’s all about discipline.

As we get underway, we need to understand what discipline is, what it’s not and 3 things we should expect as it relates to discipline.

We can define it this way: “Discipline is correction driven by love.” Maybe we should write it down… Discipline is Correction driven by love.

The author of the Book of Hebrews reminds us of this thought. In Hebrews 12:5-6: “…My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you.

6 For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” (Heb. 12:5b-6, NLT2)

We are reminded here that God disciplines us because He loves us. And that’s what Discipline is: correction driven by love.

Look at verse 8 of the same chapter: “If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all.” (Heb. 12:8, NLT2)

Also look at verse 10: “For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness.” (Heb. 12:10, NLT2)

The author of Hebrews reminds us that discipline is correction driven by love, and God corrects us when we do wrong, and as parents who follow Jesus, we must correct our children when they do wrong.

Now, some of you here today may not profess to follow Jesus; I want you to know that you are free to discipline your children anyway that you want to.

But those of us who follow Jesus, we must look at God’s Word, and it tells us that discipline is correction driven by love.

The writer of Proverbs knew this to be true as well. Look at what he wrote in chapter 19:18: “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.” (NIV)

While discipline might not be politically correct, it is biblically correct, and followers of Jesus have a responsibility to do so in love, so if discipline is correction driven by love; how is it done?

To Answer that question, we need to understand what discipline is not. First of all, Discipline is not being a life-guard parent.

A Life Guard parent is someone who will rescue their child from consequences. If a child is caught stealing, a Life-Guard parent will swoop down and rescue that child and take them away from the consequences.  

ILLUSTRATION-- As I reflect back on my childhood, I remember that my parents let me hang-out to dry so many times.

       When I did something wrong, my father always let me suffer the consequences of my wrong choices. Because I did the crime, I had to do the time.

            Paul said in Galatians 6:7: “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (NIV)

            Parents, we need to teach our children that there are consequences for the choices they make, both good and bad, and when a bad choice is made, we can't swoop in and resuce them, that's not teaching them anything.

            The 2^nd way not to discipline is to be the Etch-a-Sketch Parent. 

ILLUSTRATION- I assume that most of us are familiar with the Etch-a-sketch. It’s a pretty cool toy that will enable us to make all kinds of lines, and shapes and sizes. When you shake it up, your drawing disappears!

            One moment you have a work of art, and the next minute you have nothing but a blank canvas.

            The same is true in some of our households. One moment there are boundaries lines and the next moment those boundaries lines have been redrawn. 

            Though our children would never say as much, they want to know what’s right and what’s wrong and they don’t want the boundary markers to constantly move.  Our children need consistency!

            Remember our key verse? “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Pr. 22:6, NIV)

        Parents need to have clearly defined boundaries in place as they lead their families.

            The third way not to discipline is split-decision parenting.

            Amos asks a rhetorical question in Amos chapter 3 verse 3: “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3, NIV)

             The answer is no, you wouldn’t walk with someone if you didn’t agree with them, but sometimes this is what happens in the parenting relationship; mom will say one thing and dad will say something completely different.

ILLUSTRATION- A few weeks ago, Emma was in one of her moods. This doesn’t happen all of the time, but when it does, watch out.

            She wouldn’t do what I told her to do, so I sent her to her room, and she began crying.

        After a few minutes I went into her room to explain to her why she needed to do what I had asked her to do, only to have her cry even harder.

            After several minutes of intense crying, Beth went into talk to Emma. While I didn’t hear their entire conversation, I did hear what Beth said to Emma: “You have to do what your father told you to do”.

Do you know what that said to Emma? Mom and Dad are on the same page on this issue.

            Now, I understand that divorce can complicate things in a big way, but please for the sake of your children, don’t get into split-decision parenting, it will not be correction done in love, it will be confusion.

            If we are going to discipline our children, it must be done hand in hand, so very quickly I want to suggest to you 3 things we should expect from our children and ourselves as it relates to discipline.

            #1: We should expect obedience. 1 Samuel 15:22 reminds us that “Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission (to God) is better than offering the fat of rams.” (NLT2)

Speaking to families, the Apostle Paul said: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20, NIV)

            It would appear that obedience is what God is looking for from His children, and obedience is what parents are looking for from their children.

ILLUSTRATION- Beth and I are trying to teach our children obedience.

            When we ask the kids to do something, Emma will generally jump up and do it, but Erica will linger a little bit and try to get out of whatever we have asked her to do.

            Beth and I have decided that Erica needs to obey just as much as Emma does, and we don’t let her off the hook just because she doesn’t want to do what we’ve asked her to do.

            I want my children to obey me, just as much as God wants me to obey Him when He asks me to do something, so parents teach your children why it’s important that they obey you, and train your children to obey with an obedient and willing heart.

            (Don’t say: you have to obey me; explain why obedience is important)

            Another practical expectation is Never discipline in anger.  The apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:26a: “In your anger do not sin" (NIV)

            This single instruction applies to every part of our Christian life, especially when our children make us mad.

ILLUSTRATION- What we do at our house when one of our kids is not behaving correctly is send them to their bedroom.

            I’ve got to the point with the kids that all I have to do is point in the general direction of their bedrooms and off they go.

            This allows me time to cool down, and it also allows me time to converse with Beth as to what our next step should be.

Sometimes it’s a spanking, other times we revoke a privilege; we make a point to correct our children, and we're trying not to do so when we are angry.

If you are disciplining your child in anger, you might get carried away, and you’ll be in a bigger mess than you would have been if you would have cooled off

            This leads us to the last principle: Discipline promptly with instruction and reconciliation.

            Coming back to the Apostle Paul, he said: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Eph. 6:4, NIV)

            As parents, we have the responsibility to discuss with our children what they did wrong and how they can make things right.

ILLUSTRATION- my wife is an expert at this. Throughout the day, she will text me and let me know that one of our girls acted up at school, and about the need to discuss it when we all get home, and she will, ever so gently, inquire of our children what was done, why it was done, and why it can’t happen again.  

            We don’t let wrongs go un-discussed at our house. We can’t afford to let wrongs go un-discussed at our house, so we take the time to talk about it and then we move on.

            We need to remember that discipline is correction driven by love and just as God corrects us because He loves us, Christian parents have a responsibility to discipline our children, because we love them.  

            Now, I realize that this message was geared toward those of us with children still at home.

            This issue is super important and it deserves to be discussed, so here’s what I’m praying will happen as we seek to apply some of what we’ve heard.

            First of all, for the not-yet parents, the never will be parents and the empty nesters:

            You can pray for those of us who have kids. Pray that we would not be Life-Guard Parents; pray that we wouldn’t discipline our children in anger. You can pray as we seek to train our children in the things of God.

            You can encourage us! Being a parent is hard work, especially when we are trying to hold our ground on any issue, so if you see us needing an encouraging word, feel free to give it!

            You can (also) examine your heart.  While you may not have children living with you, God may still have to discipline you from time to time, so allow God to search your heart to see if there is an area of your life that needs to come into submission.

            For those of us who have children at home, the application for you is to consider what parenting approach you need to take—or not take-- with your children.

            Maybe you get angry all of the time and you need God to help you this week to calm down before you speak to your children.

            Maybe you need to move away from being an Etch-a-Sketch parent and establish clearly defined Guardrails and abide by them because you know that: “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.” (Proverbs 27:12, NIV)

            Keeping in mind that Discipline is correction driven by love, how will you apply today’s message? Will you allow God to correct you for an area of disobedience in your life?

            Will you commit to seeking the Lord’s help and direction this week as you seek to lead your family, especially as it relates to discipline?