Just being Honest.

While no one has asked, my purpose in writing these posts, is two fold. Number one, its to keep my skills sharp; that is to study a passage of Scripture and write and reflect on it. But, secondly, my purpose in writing and posting is to be helpful. 

Chances are if I’m thinking something— or even struggling with something, I am probably not the first person to do so, nor will I be the last. So, I am trying to be helpful. Hence this next post. 

I realize that an on line post may not be the best place to air my laundry; but 1) I’ve not killed anyone and 2) I’m on a journey with Jesus, and life is not meant to live alone, so.. 

the last few days I have been struggling with my identity. For the last 15 years I have been a lead pastor. I have been on the front lines, doing ministry, seeking life change, helping move the church from here to there. Have got up out of bed, and left my house and went to an office and did stuff. 

Now, I’m not. I’m sitting at home, trying to fill the time. and its killing me. I know that I am not able to work. I sometimes have a good morning, only to be followed up with a terrible afternoon. Or a terrible two days. Or even a week. I understand— at least in my mind— that I can’t be counted on for anything of significance. 

To make matters more interesting, when/if I am asked to speak, I have to inform whomever is doing the asking of the “Nick Clause”. ( You need a back up for your back up, because I could back out at the last moment.) 

So, I have been struggling with my identity. Who am I? When you have gotten up and gone to work just about every day for the last 15 years, and then slowly stop doing that, it messes with one’s head. 

TBH, I have been praying a lot more, asking God to fill me, or use me, or whatever He wants to do with me, but nothing. I still feel like I am alone on a deserted Island somewhere. Like Tom Hanks in castaway, but without Wilson.

Then, I opened up the Bible. I started a bible plan yesterday that is taking about finding God in unemployment and it talked about God love for me no matte what. If i am working or not. If i am in the middle of an operation or not. God loves me if I am working or not. 

God loves me just because of Who He is. read it for yourself: 

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (NLT2)

There it is. Just because I don’t have a “job” right now, doesn't mean that God is finished with me, or even forgotten me. I am still at the top of His mind, and He still has a plan for me, one that I obviously need to stop trying to figure out, and live one day at a time. (Which, I think is Biblical anyway…)

So, what does all of this mean? I’m not sure. Tomorrow I will still get up and wonder what in the world God is doing with me; I’ll still wonder if I measure up… so maybe you can pray that Who I am in Christ will take over more than my doubts. 

There is nothing that I can do, nothing that you can do, there is nothing that we can do that will ever diminish God’s love of and for us.

Click here to see your identity in Christ.